Coffee For Two
by haleyb333
Summary: Simon stayed a Daylighter and Raphael survived, but now that the rest of the gang has passed, how can Raphael help Simon deal with the loss?
1. Chapter 1

Simon was flabbergasted as he walked toward the newest coffee shop in town. For hours he had been trying to figure out why Raphael Santiago would want to meet with him at a coffee shop of all places. It couldn't possibly be because he simply wanted to talk; that would never make sense.

It was dark out, of course, since Raphael would never see the sun again. Simon frequently thought about how lucky he was to be a Daylighter. He knew that those like Raphael would always envy his situation, but lately he hadn't been seeing it as anything other than a curse.

Sure, he could still live his normal life, but since Alec had passed and Magnus had left town for an undetermined amount of time, Simon was now completely alone. Jace had been the first to go. Then in just a handful of years he had lost Clary and Isabelle as well, Alec had simply sealed the deal. Of course, all of their children were here, but they were all grown and no longer needed Simon who had felt decidedly alone since the loss of Alec.

Simon entered the coffee shop to see Raphael sitting alone in a corner booth that was far from any of the other late night patrons. He walked over to see that Raphael had two coffees on the table already.

"I'm assuming this isn't a date, or are you finally admitting your feelings for me?" Simon couldn't help it, he may never get comfortable with trying to be close to Raphael.

"Have a seat, Lewis. I just want to have a talk." Raphael's words could have been cold, but Simon could sense the soft tone to them.

He slid into the booth opposite Raphael, grabbed his coffee mug and held it up towards Raphael as a way to say thanks.

Raphael flashed him a weak smile. "I want to start by saying I'm sorry for your loss."

Simon must have looked confused because Raphael continued, "I understand Alexander Lightwood has passed," He paused. "Magnus and I are closer than one might think, although I may never get used to calling him Lightwood as well."

Simon couldn't help but smiling; Magnus changing his name had made Alec happier than almost anything else Magnus had ever done for him.

"Where has Magnus gone, then?" Simon had only gotten a short text from Magnus saying that he was leaving town barely a week after losing Alec.

"He's headed to Indonesia. Apparently to visit where he grew up, and I read between the lines here, to grieve over Alexander in a place where no one knows their names. But that's not what I'm here to talk to you about."

Simon set his coffee down and leaned back in his seat, spreading his hands to indicate that Raphael was free to continue.

"Look, Simon," he was unsure that Raphael had ever called him by his first name. "I know we've had a pretty rocky friendship." _Wow, must be the understatement of the century,_ thought Simon. "But I do understand the crushing reality of the loneliness you're probably beginning to feel right now."

Simon was staring intently at Raphael, shocked that this conversation was actually happening. There was no way that Raphael was going to sympathize with him.

"I know that right about now it's probably hitting you that you are, indeed, much different than you used to be. Oh, sure, you've always known that, but it's never truly hit you until now."

Simon slightly inclined his head, indicating that Raphael was not far from the mark. The more time Simon spent thinking about it, the more he understood that he was not okay with spending eternity without his friends, his family. Isabelle had been gone for over three years, and yet every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was her face.

There were still times when Simon would think of something funny and turn to tell her, only to have to take a break and regain his composure. When they had lost Isabelle, Alec had taken him by surprise and had begun spending more time with Simon. They had become more like brothers than ever before. And now Alec was gone, too.

"You're not eating regularly, are you?" Raphael's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"How.." Simon had just recently realized that fact himself.

"Not that I can't see it in your face, you look sick. But I also know from experience. You seem to be forgetting that we are much more similar than you would care to admit."

"Okay, so what? I haven't exactly been keeping up with my eating schedule. What do you care about that?"

"It's not that I care what your blood intake is. I care about the thoughts I know are causing the reduction in blood intake."

"What are you talking about?" Simon was getting angry. There was no way Raphael was going to sit here and tell him exactly what was making him feel this way when Simon couldn't even figure that out for himself.

"Oh Lewis, don't pretend like I don't understand what you're going through, it's insulting, really. But if you don't want to talk to me about it, there's someone else who I would dare say understands it even better than I do."

Simon raised an eyebrow. He did not want to have this conversation with Raphael of all people.

"Magnus, of course. Really, Lewis, it doesn't take a genius to see that one." Simon had to admit that he was absolutely sure Magnus understood more than anyone else.

"There's no way I'm tracking Magnus down and getting him to help me with this, Raphael. He's hurting more than I'll ever understand right now. He-"

"Let me stop you right there, Daylighter. I'm not saying that you should track Magnus down immediately. You're right, he's crushed. I've never seen him like this. I'm simply trying to show you that you're not as alone as you might think." Raphael paused, watching Simon's reaction to what he was saying.

"I would be the first person on this Earth to say that Magnus needs his time and space right now. He needs to heal. That may take him a while, of that I have no doubt. But what I'm trying to get you to understand is that Magnus cares for you. And once he has taken some time to cope with this, I know better than anyone that he will be more than willing to help you through it, too."

Simon was shocked. He had never heard Raphael talk this way about anyone, as though he really cared. He knew that Magnus cared for him, they had become family. But there was no way that Simon was going to ask him for help right now, he had lost Alec, too.

He was slightly confused as to what Raphael's purpose was. There had to be something in it for him; this conversation was far too personal. "What do you know about Magnus?" His voice came out much harder and colder than he had intended.

"I know more about Magnus Ba- damn, Magnus Lightwood, than you understand, Simon. If you'll allow it, I'd like to tell you my part in his story."

Simon considered this. He didn't want to invade Magnus' privacy, he knew that Magnus's past was something scared to him, but he was curious as to why Raphael seemed to care so much about this situation. He inclined his head, "Why not?" Raphael smiled in earnest before continuing.


	2. Chapter 2

"Before beginning, I want you to understand what I was talking about earlier. These thoughts, Simon, that are causing you to act this way, you may not realize yet that you're having them, but you will eventually. You're currently feeling like what has happened to you is a curse, you're feeling so different from not only your old self, but also from everyone you love. If you haven't already explicitly thought it, at the very least you're feeling like a monster."

Simon opened his mouth to protest, but then he thought the better of it. Just last night he had been particularly upset, missing Isabelle even more than usual, and at some point during his pity party he had definitely, explicitly had that very thought.

"You were wondering why you couldn't be like her, why you had to be a monster instead, weren't you?" Simon couldn't handle the pity he clearly heard in Raphael's voice.

"What does this have to do with you or Magnus?" He was practically demanding that this conversation be over.

"Magnus and I both know what it's like to feel that way. You think you're a monster, that something is wrong with you now. We have both felt the exact same way at least once in our lives, and I know for a fact that it's something that has gone in and out of Magnus's entire life. He and I both know what it's like to hate ourselves for who we are. That, Simon, is what it has to do with us."

Simon was speechless. He vaguely knew the stories Magnus had told about his childhood, but he had never imagined that Magnus had ever even once hated himself. Or maybe it was just that he hadn't really thought about it. He certainly hadn't ever dreamed that Raphael would hate himself, he seemed so in touch with being a vampire, like it was the most natural thing on Earth.

Raphael smiled again, "Not what you were expecting, was it?"

Simon shook his head, "No, I'll admit that's not where I thought this conversation was headed. But how do you know so much about Magnus?"

Raphael took a sip of his coffee, not that he really needed it, although Simon suspected that it had some blood mixed into it. He set his mug down and took a deep breath before beginning, not that he really needed the breath either.

"You vaguely know the basic outline of how I was turned if I remember correctly. But what you don't know is that Magnus saved me, from myself." Raphael paused to revel in the surprise on Simon's face.

"No, not what you expected at all, I know. But Magnus kept me from throwing myself into the sunlight and taking my own life. And yet, somehow he did more than just save my life. He saved my soul. He didn't have to take an interest in helping me, yet he took me in and he taught me how to love myself again, even if he didn't realize exactly what he was doing."

Simon was speechless. He wasn't really sure where this was going. He guessed that of anyone he'd ever met, Magnus had the most reason to hate his life, himself. But he'd never pictured Raphael as someone who would hate life so much that he would want it to end.

"I know, you're thinking that this picture doesn't suit me. But I brought you here today not to get pity. I brought you here so that you could see there is someone who can help you. I truly believed that I was a monster. I had become exactly what I had grown up fearing. My new self was everything that went against all that I believed. I was the good, church-going boy turned devil. My point is that no matter what your preconceived notions are telling you right now, I have been saved myself. You're not alone, Lewis, and your case is certainly not hopeless."

There was nothing left for Simon to say. He wasn't sure how Magnus was going to help him from the other side of the world. When he voiced as much to Raphael, he received a chuckle.

"No, Lewis, you haven't gotten my message. Sure, Magnus understands better than anyone the feelings of self-hatred. Growing up a bisexual warlock had to have been harder than you or I will ever be able to imagine. What I'm trying to get across to you is that there are still plenty of people in your life willing to lend a hand when needed."

* * *

Simon was exhausted and immediately crashed into the couch when he got home, dropping the paper in his hands on the coffee table. He couldn't believe that any of what had just happened had been real. Raphael, being that kind to him, was utterly impossible. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized how touching it had been.

After resting for a while, Simon decided it would probably be a good idea to go grab a bottle of blood out of the refrigerator. Raphael had been right, after all. He wasn't consciously not eating, he just simply hadn't felt like eating lately.

Bottle of blood in hand, Simon returned to the living room and glanced down at the paper on his table. He bent over enough to grab it and relaxed back into his seat. The only thing written on the paper was a single phone number, given to him by Raphael. He had told Simon it had been given to him "for emergency situations only". And Raphael had given it to him for that same reason.

Raphael had suggested that Simon use it now, no matter how "dire" he thought the emergency was. "Use it and just go from there" was the way he had put it.

Simon hadn't really thought much of it, but the longer he stared at the number before him, the more he realized why he should use it. Raphael hadn't asked him to use it just because he was worried about Simon. Raphael knew that by Simon using it, he could cure two cases of loneliness.

Decision made, Simon pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and began dialing. The phone was answered on the second ring. "Hello? Is something wrong? Has something happened to Raphael?" Simon could hear the concern, the fear, in the voice on the other end.

"No," He answered and he heard a sigh of relief. "It's not Raphael, Magnus. This is Simon."


	3. Chapter 3

"Simon?" Magnus's voice was no less concerned than it had been when he thought it was Raphael, and Simon was oddly touched at that fact. "What's happened? Are you okay? Dear God, please be okay. I am absolutely certain that I would never be able to stand it if you have a single piece of bad news. Please tell me everyone is fine. I –"

"Magnus!" Simon couldn't help it, he had to cut Magnus off, knowing that the rambling could continue indefinitely if he did not. "Magnus, please. I'm fine, I swear. Raphael's fine, everyone is fine. I just-" he paused, unsure of how to continue.

He was still trying to figure out what to say when Magnus began speaking again, the anger clear in his voice. "If there's nothing wrong, then why the hell are you calling me?"

Taking a deep breath, Simon plunged into an apology, knowing he'd made the worst mistake ever. "I'm sorry, Magnus. I know this number is for emergencies. I shouldn't have called; I know you're hurting so I'll just go."

He was ready to hang up when he heard Magnus's voice. "Wait, Simon, don't go." Simon was shocked when he realized there was loneliness dripping through every word Magnus spoke. He put the phone back to his ear but remained silent, waiting on Magnus to continue.

"What's really going on? It may not be an emergency, but I can tell there's something. You wouldn't call me otherwise." When Simon continued to remain silent, Magnus surprised him by seemingly reading his mind. "Raphael gave you this number, didn't he?"

"Well, I –" Simon chocked on what he wanted to say.

He heard a sigh on the other end. "I'm lonely, too." Somehow, this shocked Simon just enough to bring him out of his silence.

"Magnus, I'm so sorry. I never got the chance to tell you that. Never got the chance to say anything at all. But I'm sorry. I know how much you loved Al-"

Magnus's voice cut him off, slightly tinged in anger. "Love. I love Alexander. Just because his life is past tense now that does not mean that my love for him is as well. Or that it will ever be."

Simon couldn't help but smile ever so slightly. "Again, I'm sorry, Magnus. You're right, though; Raphael did give me your number."

"First of all, stop apologizing, you're family for goodness sake." Simon could hear a hint of a smile from Magnus, or at least he hoped so. "Secondly, why would Raphael do that? He must have known you needed something."

Foregoing caution, Simon jumped into the conversation. "You were right, I'm terribly lonely, Magnus. I guess Raphael just seemed to realize that I need you right now, and you're gone, just like everyone else. No-" he cut Magnus off as he began to interrupt. "I understand your pain and that's why I hesitated to call you. You're hurting, grieving, and I get it. But in the end, I called because Raphael made me realize that maybe, just maybe, you need someone too."

There was a long pause before Magnus chuckled and answered him. "Well, Simon, maybe, just maybe, you're right. You know, I keep hearing Alexander telling me that feeling sorry for myself wouldn't ease the pain of losing him. If I'm being totally honest, you called right as I was beginning to think that I needed to get off my ass and make him proud."

It was Simon's turn to chuckle. "Yeah, sounds exactly like Alec to me. But where are you, Magnus? From this side it seems like you've just run away."

Another sigh came from the other end, but this time it changed from one of grief to one of self-pity. "I'm in Indonesia, but I guess you could say I've run away. Run away to the one place in the world that doesn't remind me of Alec, I guess I should say."

"Well, Magnus," Simon couldn't believe he was being so bold as to say what he planned on saying. "I speak from experience when I say that running away from your problems never helps. If you don't face your grief, it will only grow until you do."

"I don't think you've ever said anything like that to me, Lewis." The smile in Magnus's voice was much more evident than it had been before. "Let's make a deal, shall we?"

Simon bit back another laugh and forced himself to answer. "Those words are hardly ever good to hear from you," as an afterthought, he added, "Lightwood."

"A deal with me is better than a deal with my lovely father at the very least." Simon simply laughed soundlessly and waited for Magnus to continue. "So Raphael obviously thought that we could help each other, that much seems clear to me. What is also amazingly clear to me is that you still have a lot to learn about grief, and I feel as though I have a lot to teach you."

"What are you suggesting, Magnus?" Simon was secretly praying that Magnus would suggest absolutely anything that might possibly ease the pain of both of them in any way.

"What I am saying, Lewis, is that I think you should come meet me here. We've got eternity ahead of us, and if I'm going to teach you a thing or two about how to properly live immortally, then I should start by teaching you in the place that originally taught me."

Speechless, Simon had no idea how to respond. Hadn't he been hoping that Magnus would say something like that? Why did he suddenly feel as though he could never leave New York?

"Simon, I know what you're thinking. You feel like you can't leave. But let me tell you, that once you get away, it will feel much better than you ever imagined it could. The hardest part is convincing yourself that you can leave."

Knowing that Magnus was right, Simon answered, surprising himself. "If Isabelle were here, she would be kicking me trying to get me to go with you."

"That she would, Simon, that she would. I'll see you in two hours' time, then?"

"I cannot believe I'm saying this, but I still want to learn about myself. So, I'll see you then, Magnus. Under one condition."

"What's that?" Magnus's curiosity was crystal clear.

"I'll see you in two hours, as long as you call Raphael immediately and convince him to come with us."

Simon hung up the phone, simultaneously shocked and relieved. Raphael had been right. In the end, family was the best medicine for grief.


End file.
